Tuesday, April 11, 2017

TWO EMBARRASSING THINGS

Preorder Just You and Me at: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XCZWL6N

Today on Some Like It Hotter, we welcome Vicki Batman, with a pre-order for Just You & Me, and her essay on

Two Embarrassing Things

We’ve all done something silly and in most cases, they aren’t that bad, and certainly over time, the sting, humiliation, and mortification subsides. Eventually, a person might be able to laugh at the stories.

Let’s go back for just a sec to a couple of incidents from my younger days:
The beauty pageant: In single-dom, I went to a party with friends. During the course of imbibing margaritas, my friend who owned a moped shop asked me to represent his store in a contest being held by an RV show. I said no. Two margaritas later, I said yes. Since the trade show was the following weekend, I developed a plan of action: to clamp down on snacking, practice walking in high heels, pivoting, and smiling. The day of the contest, a maroon ribbon emblazed with Miss <name of moped store> in silver stick-on letters was draped across my torso. While adjusting my swimsuit, I checked out the competition--lots younger. My turn came. The embarrassment factor dialed up to 1,500 as I paraded in front of the five judges, one of whom was a former quarterback. I pasted a smile on my face, did the walk, turned, smiled, and found my spot in the line. The blond with the cornrows won.
I swore never again.

My first kiss: Boy Scouts, Camp Fire Girls, Dance. I met a Scout and we danced a bit. He asked me to go for a walk, and I said sure. Boy, was I naïve. He grabbed and kissed me. I should have enjoyed a first kiss more, but it was over quickly, and I was thoroughly embarrassed.
I’ve shared these stories with friends and they ask if I’m ever going to write about them. I never thought I could. Maybe I could incorporate some elements, and certainly, could take myself back and remember my feelings and emotions. Those things would be put in a story. Then one day, that ol’ spark happened and the story flowed into a romantic comedy short entitled “Raving Beauty.”
Here's a fun excerpt from “Raving Beauty:”
"I can't believe I let your loony brother, who's tormented me all my life, talk me into this." With my eye on the teenage competition, I tugged the leg opening of my swimsuit into place to better cover my hip. "Just because I did some modeling in college doesn't make me a pageant diva. Back then, I was incredibly skinny, and clothes fit easily."
         "Daniel's a rat. He took advantage of your third or was it your fourth margarita, Kelly?" Maggie Ackerman, my best friend and roommate, adjusted the scarlet satin sash draped across my body. Glittery stick-on letters spelled out Miss Yahoo! Ranch Steakhouse. "Hold still."
         With an old-fashioned teasing comb, she picked my brown hair into place at the crown of my head. The eerie suspicion I resembled a scary dame with Big Texas hair from the television show, Dallas, caused me to avoid looking in the mirror.
         "Close your eyes." She hit me with super freeze-it hairspray. "Now, that ain't goin' nowhere."
         My personal stylist needed to work on her aim, preferably with both of her eyes open. I spit-wiped the sticky spot on my right cheek. I hope nobody I know sees me like this
         "There." The scrunch of her nose reflected how pleased she was with herself. "Feeling better?"
         Like a slab of beef.

Wanna bet I write a story about a Boy Scout one day??

Want to share a story about your first kiss?


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8 comments:

Vicki Batman, sassy writer of sexy and funny fiction, blogger at Handbags, Books...Whatever said...

Thank you so much for having me today. Even now, I'm embarrassed over these two incidents; yet, they have been great for story ideas!

Liese said...

Isn't it funny? I'm not sure I remember it (hence, not memorable).

I do remember my first kiss with my husband. He was a blind date and we were on the dance floor at a disco. I was in another country and figured I was never going to see the man again, so what the heck! enjoy a little!

We married four years later and will be celebrating #36 next month.

Some first kisses are worth it!

Vicki Batman, sassy writer of sexy and funny fiction, blogger at Handbags, Books...Whatever said...

Hi, Liese! First, you in a disco?? What a wild woman. And then kissing your blind date??? audacious

Melissa Keir said...

Such fun! I used to model for the local mall when I was in high school. During a practice run, I was supposed to drop my skirt and be ready for the beach in my swimsuit, but it was too hard to do and so I just walked with the skirt in front of me and dropped it easily during the show!

Vicki Batman, sassy writer of sexy and funny fiction, blogger at Handbags, Books...Whatever said...

Hi, Melissa! How funny. I would have loved to have seen it. And I'm guessing you were a little embarrassed?

I did model throughout college in big shows and for some stores. It was fun to wear cool clothes.

Angela Adams said...

Vicki, not only can't I remember my first kiss, I can't even remember who it was with...

Vicki Batman, sassy writer of sexy and funny fiction, blogger at Handbags, Books...Whatever said...

Hi, Angela! I'm guessing this means not so memorable? That's okay. It's the one that counts you should remember.

Christi Williams said...

Thanks for appearing on Some Like It Hotter, Vicki. And thanks to all who left a comment.